Typical Life Coach Podcast
Ep #17: Coaching Vs. Telling: How To Actually Coach
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Episode Notes
Powerful Episode Truths
Coaching is asking the questions and creating the space for the client to think. It’s partnering. It’s “Let’s take a look together at what’s showing up for you” rather than “here’s what’s showing up for you.”
The next best question is the question that comes to mind intuitively and comes from curiosity—“As the coach, I’m in it to understand. I’m in it to embody a sense of curiosity. I’m NOT in it to fix things, solve problems, give answers, or guide in particular directions.”
Nancy Kline wrote a book called Time To Think, and in it she says:
“Real help, professionally or personally, consists of listening to people, of paying respectful attention to people so that they can access their own ideas first. Usually the brain that contains the problem also contains the solution, often the best one. When you keep that in mind, you become more effective with people. And people around you end up with better ideas. This is not to say that advice is never a good thing or that your ideas are never needed. Sometimes your suggestions are exactly what the person wants and needs. Many times a robust exchange of ideas is perfect for the task. But don't rush into it. Give people a chance to find their own ideas first. That chance will take more time than you probably feel comfortable with. Wait it out longer than you want to. You can always resort to telling them what to do later. You, like the rest of us, are probably expert at that. To help people think for themselves, first listen. And listen. Then listen. And just when they say they can't think of anything else you can ask them the question, “What else do you think about this? What else comes to mind that you want to say?” Even when people are sure there's nothing left in their weary brain, there nearly always is. Surprisingly, the simple question, “What do you think about this?” can usually lead them straight to more, often good, ideas. In the presence of the question, the mind thinks again.”
Remember, people retain 20% of what someone tells them and 80% what they tell themselves.
Coaching thrives in recession and the opposite. When people have more money, they have more money to invest in themselves. And when they have less money, they have more motivation to invest in ways to make more money.
Powerful Coaching Questions
What could you and I right now in this coaching session create that would forever change your life?
What could we do today that would make the biggest impact in your life and move you to where you want to be?
Why is it important?
What needs to happen?
What needs to change?
What’s in the way of you overcoming the fear?
Where do we start?
What has worked in the past and what hasn’t?
Who are you committed to being in order to no longer allow fear to keep you stuck?
How does quitting hurt you and how does it help you? Let’s think about that together.
What else? What else is coming up for you?
What else are you seeing here?
In what other ways is quitting not working for you anymore?
What else do you think about this? Or what else comes to mind that you want to say?
What specifically would you like as an outcome for this call?
