Ep #7: How To Be An Expectation-Exceeding Coach
Story About Anthony De Mello
Anthony De Mello was an enlightened Jesuit priest, author, speaker, spiritual teacher. He was talking to one of his students about helping people. He said, “I’ve given up. I used to try to help, but it never worked out very well. So I don’t help anymore.” The student was confused, so he asked, “What do you do instead?” De Mello responded, “I rain.” The student asked what he meant, and De Mello said, “Well I show up, and I do what I do. I am who I am. Some people like the rain and some don’t. If the rain falls on fertile soil things grow, and if the rain falls on dry soil it makes the soil fertile for future growth. If the rain falls on a rock, nothing happens. That’s really what we’ve got. Show up and rain.”
Questions To Ask Yourself To Prepare
Within my coaching relationships, who am I?
Who do I want to be?
How do I show up or want to show up?
What do I do well on the calls?
What do I not do for my clients?
Helping The Client Decide On What They Want To Accomplish In The Session
ASK: What do you want to create?
ASK: Why is that important?
ASK: How will you feel?
ASK: How will you know?
ASK: What’s in the way?
ASK: What can you do?
ASK: What’s the first step?
(Powerful starting question)—Let’s fast forward. It’s the end of session and it’s been the most amazing hour of your week. What would we have talked about? Or what would we have accomplished/created?
(Piercing question)—What have you NEVER thought about doing that you could start doing now?
(Piercing question)—What have you thought A LOT about doing but haven’t that you could start doing now?
(Piercing question)—If you had no fear and you did all these things, what would it look like if somebody was watching you in action?
(Piercing question)—What do you really want to be doing?
(Piercing question)—What’s the goal behind the goal? What do you want to ultimately accomplish or create? Because you and I could work on that.
(Piercing question)—What are you NOT saying?
(One of the most important questions)—What are you getting out of this so far?
(Piercing question)—What evidence do you have?
(Piercing question)—What are you assuming right now?
(Piercing question)—What hurts more than not doing it?
(Piercing question)—Underneath this, what is really going on? What is the real fear?
(Powerful question)—Where is the place you want to be, and why is it better there?
(Powerful permission seeking question)—It sounds like we need to go deeper. Would you allow me to take you down that deeper path?
(Powerful closing question)—Thinking back over all that we talked about, all that we thought about, and all that we realized, what was your biggest insight from this call?
(Powerful closing question)—Is there something you haven’t said that you want to say?
Closing The Call By Creating The Space For Growth
ASK: What was your biggest insight?
ASK: What have you learned about yourself?
ASK: What did you not learn?
ASK: Based on our session today, what is one thing you would tell yourself?
ASK: What inside of you helped you to gain this insight about yourself?
ASK: What else could further empower the insight you experienced today?
ASK: What else, if any, do we need to think about or talk about before we finish?
ASK: What would be the best way to end our time together?